personal style manifesto
Let me share something with you: I believe that everyone cares about looking good. There can be any number of definitions of “good.” (Yes! You, not society or culture, define this for yourself! Be empowered thusly!) There are many caveats and assumptions to this belief: you live in the First World and have the luxury of worrying about your appearance, you are in good health, etc. But I really think it’s as simple as this: look good = feel good. The end goal isn’t looking good or impressing others. It’s not that vain, or nearly as easy as vanity. It’s about feeling attractive because you respect your appearance and choose to care, something my friend Brigitte summed up nicely here.
Let me share something else with you: Frequently I get negative feedback when I show up somewhere looking my definition of good: style-conscious, put together and frequently on the side of over-vs.-under dressed. Again: my definition. You are free to have your own. (And please do! The fewer people I have to elbow to get to the good stuff on the sale racks the better.) And yes. I get it…
But here’s the thing: my “haters” are my friends. It’s true! Here is a sampling of things friends have said to me:
“You are so dressed up for [insert activity/event here]!” at a casual gathering. That day, I was wearing skinny jeans tucked into tall flat boots with a jersey tank and leather jacket.
“Gosh, aren’t you freezing in that?” after I had peeled off several warm layers to reveal a cute blouse at a bar (with a good heater) during the winter.
(My favorite) “I just knew she was going to do this!” said by one friend to another in reaction to me showing up to a party wearing a casual, black jersey maxi dress and sandals. As in, “I just knew she was going to show up looking good.” (If you knew, why didn’t you bring your A-game, sister?)
I don’t let these things make me feel too bad, because I know all of these comments could be translated into: “I didn’t make as much effort as you did today, and now I wish I had.” But they bother me still.
I never make a comment to another woman about her appearance unless that comment is positive and complementary. I would never say something to a friend like “You’re really underdressed today,” or “I know it’s the dead of winter but you could have worn something besides your old sweatshirt.”
So why is it OK to make someone feel bad for looking good? It’s certainly not acceptable, nor do I think it should be, to make someone feel bad for looking bad. I could come up with a quip about how modern society pits women against one another in competition for everything from men to salaries, but I will only say this: be nice, make an effort, and be advised. I will show up looking good.
